Living In Duality

The depths we explore of our sorrow, is the depth we explore of our love.

It may be a nice reminder to know that we are in a very dynamic and intense time on Earth. You are not alone if you have been feeling more stressed, overwhelmed, disoriented, depressed, or even angrier than normal. I have talked to many friends, colleagues, and clients who are really feeling impacted by these energies and it is uncomfortable!

Personally and collectively many of our deep inner shadows and wounds are rising to the surface of our awareness and demanding our attention.

I wrote a helpful article on this last year: Working With Our Shadows. For those new to their own healing journey, and for those who are ignoring their own healing altogether, this can be a very tumultuous and disorienting time. Even well seasoned healers and spiritual mentors are facing their own inner and outer challenges! Our natural inclination in the modern world is to repress, escape, and avoid the uncomfortable feelings that are rising to our collective and personal awareness.

We laugh at our deep hurts, busy ourselves with endless tasks, binge watch shows, and scroll and scroll and scroll on our phones. Anything we can possibly do to avoid feeling our own pain, we are doing. And it makes sense!

Many of us carry very real and very deep wounds of trauma, loss, suffering and ancestral patterns of abuse and victimhood without a single idea of what to do with them except ignore them away. Sometimes we have heavy dark feelings and we don't even understand where they come from. When we try to receive support from the few society approved modes of healing such as traditional talk therapy, we often find that even here we are expected to share a common goal of feeling happy and joyful with the silent premise that feeling heavy, sad, angry, or anxious is "bad."

There's hardly a safe support system to turn to that doesn't push for this silent belief of "good" and "bad" feelings. So what do we do? What is the path forward?

It may seem really counterintuitive to explore our inner and outer pain, hurts, illness, grief, and trauma, as a way though them, but that is exactly the path forward. We have operated so long as a society placing band-aids on our collective and personal pain that many of us have not a clue on how to actually help ourselves from the root of this pain. When an uncomfortable feeling rises to the surface, we push it down, pretend it away, prescribe a medication, minimize or gaslight it away. But underneath those uncomfortable feelings is a story waiting to be heard, asking to be seen.

Until we are willing and courageous enough to swim through the disorienting waters of our own personal and collective hurting will we discover its source and bring healing.

Rumi speaks such wisdom to this.

I said: What about my heart?

He said: Tell me what you hold inside it?

I said: Pain and sorrow.

He said: Stay with it. The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”     

-- Rumi

There's so much that could be said from these powerful yet simple words from Rumi. For me, what resonates is the message that if we ignore our pain and our suffering, we in turn ignore a very real and deep part of ourselves. And if we can hold space for that part of ourselves, where the pain and sorrow live, this is where we begin to heal. This is where the light enters.

It is essential, now more than ever, that we embrace all of ourselves -- the

hurting, sad, and ugly parts -- just as much as the pretty, happy, loving parts.

We are living in a very polarizing time in our world where everything is deemed "good" or "bad." And we see here that even our emotions are targets for this divisiveness. Many of us struggle to engage socially in our work environment, or have extreme anxiety at social engagements or family functions. There is a common underlying and unspoken belief system in our society that we all must present only one side of ourselves. Our society seems to only accept the "good" side -- the happy, laughing, positive side. Anything else is silently deemed as "bad."

For years and years, many of us have tried to follow this belief system, while internally denying a whole universe of emotions inside ourselves. We put on outer shells of acceptable behavior and a false sense of who we are and then try to carry on never feeling whole or authentically ourselves. This has happened for many of us personally, and it has happened collectively in our societies. And what we are witnessing now on our planet is an age where we can no longer pretend that the other side of us does not exist. This is happening in the surge of natural disasters, the strategic and cruel operations of war, the violence and discrimination in our communities, and personally people are feeling it in their relationships, marriages, careers, and so much more.

The shadows can no longer be repressed and they are bursting out in the most ugly and hurtful and unbelievable of ways. But it doesn't have to be this way.

Let us take a moment to honor and call back the ancient indigenous wisdom traditions that have always understood and held sacred space for the dual nature of humanity and of everything in this world. Even after widespread and catastrophic colonization took so much from the indigenous traditions around the world, they have not forgotten this truth. When we begin to allow their voice and wisdom back into our lives, with this truth and so many others, we begin to shift our perspectives and paradigms of reality into a whole and healed way of existence.

How do we integrate indigenous wisdom and traditions into our western world?

This is a very important question to ask. While we need the indigenous wisdom now more than ever, we also want to respect and hold space for the shadows and wounds that they carry from colonization without appropriating their culture. This is a topic that I have struggled with and explored extensively in my own personal and professional life. And while my answer may continue to evolve and grow, I will share with you the truth I have discovered in my heart at this point in my journey.

Whether it was from the healers of the Andes mountains, or the Mayan elders in Guatemala, I have learned that many communities and people from these indigenous traditions are still hurting and healing from the wounds and trauma of colonization. They keep very private their wisdom traditions for this reason, and can often feel anger and distrust toward the westerners who are appropriating their culture and 'taking' their wisdom.

This is completely understandable and it is important for me, a white woman, to honor and respect these wounds and shadows. And also, it's not completely wrong. I have come across many westerners holding "cacao ceremonies" and donning feathers in their hair as though they are shamans from the jungle. I don't like it either! Something about it has never rung true for me.

So I first hold space for all of this and do not seek my own personal agenda through indigenous culture, traditions, or wisdom.

I will never pretend that I am offering a ceremony or healing session as though I am an indigenous person myself. I also hold space for those who may be appropriating cultures. I hold space knowing many do this unknowingly. Having grown up as products of colonization themselves has caused them to collect traditions without realizing their own inner shadows or the roles they are playing in perpetuating colonization. So even here it is important to notice when we feel inclined to judge behaviors or actions as "good" or "bad" -- there is always so much more depth and reason to the roots of these behaviors that we must reflect upon and hold space for.

However, there are other indigenous elders from these same traditions who are passionate about following the ancient oral and written prophecies of their traditions that speak of these astrological and cyclical times on our planet. They understand that now is the time to awaken the light and spiritual sovereignty within the hearts of those disconnected from their roots. They understand that now is a very pivotal time for their ancient and powerful wisdom to be shared with the world despite the atrocities of colonization, and they are doing just that. These elders and spiritual leaders are teaching their ceremonies and healing methods and advising those of us from the modern world on how we can adapt and modify these traditions in order to serve our communities, and serve our planet.

While the ceremonies and healing sessions held by westerners may never perfectly match those of the indigenous traditions, that is not the point.

The number one foundation of wisdom I have discovered in my trainings is in the power of reclaiming my own spiritual sovereignty and following the pure intentions of my heart. While the ceremonies and rituals passed on from the indigenous elders carry powerful medicine and healing, it is not about following specific rules and wearing specific clothes, crystals, or feathers. While it is absolutely important to honor, respect, and hold space for these traditions as much as we can with our intentions, the focus should always be about following the light within our hearts found in the depths of our duality.

It is in honoring the depths of the duality I carry within to find my whole and healed self that I find the divine wisdom that resides there. This is true for me, and this is true for all of you.

This begins by exploring the side of yourself that you have perhaps avoided most of your life. For many of us this can sound really hard. But you do not have to do this alone.

Whether you seek out the indigenous elders who are ready and willing to teach and heal, or you find an accessible and trusted shamanic practitioner, there is a growing field of support to help you explore your shadows and wounds so that you can discover and embrace your whole and healed self safely. I truly and passionately believe that when we can do this individually, we are in turn, doing this collectively. This is the path forward for living in our duality.

Please reach out if you are seeking this support. You do not have to do this alone. I can help direct you to the teachers I have learned from, share resources I have found invaluable in my healing journey, or work with you 1:1 in powerful healing sessions. And if you are in the Virginia Beach area, you can come join me and others in a safe and sacred space to explore the depths of who you are while held in support of others.

Now is the time to reclaim your inner sovereignty. Are you ready?